My own little corner of the bloggy universe….

Archive for April, 2017

Eighteen Months

18 months
78 weeks 2 days

The day my whole world shattered.

I am still trying to pick up the pieces of me that shattered when John died. I don’t have them all, nor will I probably ever be able to even find them all. I will never be the same.

My whole world has changed. I still don’t know who I am without him, nor what I’ll do in the future. I’m still struggling to figure out what I’m doing beyond this very second.

Yes, there are days that the grief isn’t overwhelming & I can function relatively like a human being. There are other days I struggle to even drag myself out of bed. The really bad days, I don’t bother, until I have absolutely no choice.

There is now some laughter, still a lot of tears, a few moments of “can’t catch my breath bc I can’t believe this has happened”, still a LOT of missing everything about him & the future we were supposed to have. I go thru my On This Day memories on FB & sometimes, they are more than I can handle.

Dates are still really hard. They’re even harder when it’s BOOM, BOOM, BOOM…. one right after another. John’s birthday (55) was Monday, March 27. Saturday, April 1 was exactly 78 weeks… Today is exactly 18 months. BOOM… BOOM… BOOM….

I’m still wearing my rings, as well as his. I have both our wedding bands on my right ring finger, & the anniversary/memorial band along with my engagement ring are on my left ring finger. To think about taking them off makes me want to puke. Therefore… I will not.

I want to start packing up some of his things, but not today & maybe not for a little while still. Everything is pretty much right where he left it – including his shoes & socks downstairs by the laundry room door, & the water bottle sitting on his sink that he used every morning & night to take his meds.

I don’t know… all I can say is to treasure your loved ones every. single. day…. You have no idea how long you’ll have together. Make sure they know you love them… even if they don’t like hearing it or don’t say it back. John always, ALWAYS made sure we knew he loved us & how much he did. ❤